I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
