you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
