I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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