You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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