Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
