i wish there were pregnant emoticons
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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