I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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