Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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