I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
