garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My room smells like vodka and shame
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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