When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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