my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
