Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
