I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
