pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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