I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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