his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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