battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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