her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
