this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
