I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
