My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
