When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
