he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
They are going to name an STD after you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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