I hate your face
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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