Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
