so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
