It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
