I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
