I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
