no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
birth control should be required to get into college
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
