ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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