so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't deserve a penis
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
