I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
