I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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