dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
