What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
