her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
