I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
