"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
