Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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