I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
pop tarts are not kleenex
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
