I hate your face
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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