i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Pooping to opera.
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