In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
