my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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