For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
