I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
