So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
