this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
