If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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