I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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