There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
