So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
