It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
