In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
this is an emotional support booty call
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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