I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
