she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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