I'm jealous of your bromance
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You took a bar mat shot.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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